so close yet so far apart

com

2005-06-10T03:36:00.000-07:00

OOHH
OOHH

my computer is screwed

OOHH
OOHH

pltn outing

2005-05-30T02:56:00.000-07:00

went out with yara, adlin,nurin,haz,fad,cheryl,rup..
went bowling at pasir ris. saw nat and her frens.
they were at escape.
had fun larr.
surprisingly i rawk at bowling. woohooo!!
but adlin rawx more.
she pro mann.

nthg else happened. wanted to go east coast. but noone to go with me.
sigh.. amelia tired.. the rest live too far, parents don allow, or i dowan to go with them.
i asked my cousin, but she saed she had track trg
then dunnow how julian found out then sae he wanna go with me.
then i dowan.
i alrdy saed i wont be anythg more than a lil girl cousin to him
and im sticking by my word.
and i don think guy cousins and lil girls cousins of age 4 yrs apart go to the beach tog.

yeaa.. anw im bored.
absolutely nthg to do.
gonna watch MIB later.
then spongebob square pants movie after tt
then slp i guess.

oh ya, gonna go out tml with ahkong, jie, grace o, ahmah, lorraine i think. dunnow who else.
hope to haf fun
havent even asked my mom. or my dad.
hope they sae can
or else ahkong, im so sorry kae..

oh, my mom saed she doesnt want me going out with my frens tt she doesnt know, for too long.
-she doesnt even noe like 3 of my frens.
other moms scold, nag, ground their kids coz of their results

my mom has yet to ask for my results, let alone my report book..

ndp

2005-05-29T02:47:00.000-07:00

had ndp yest.
tiring i should admit.
in the sun for hrs, with e pompoms under our arms in an awkward position.
yes.
ncc girls, carry POMPOMS.
brings out the feminity in women,
the sissyness in guys.[by patricia]
other that tt, i guess it was ok.
the rest of my sats till 9/8/05..
endurance and discipline to attend each prac put to test
come on bravo, and charlie- we'll all endure tog.
try ok evryone
patricia don't worry. endure k.
don think of the heat, or the hr we're stoning there.
think of other stuff.
we must do it.
for sg.
for cedar.
for ncc.
for us.

anw..sthg sadd.
parade frm the 29/6 says sec 1-3.
what does this mean
they cant pass out so fast rite?so what if specs course finish early?
noooo.
its not that i don like the part cs. they're nice.
and i want it to remain tt way.
i dowan them to come and turn all strict and disciplined with us.
i like it now, where we laugh tog[rarely, but..]at each other..
talk secretly abt each other and gasp when we discover one of them heard us..
cover up for each other- ok.. when they cover up for us.
our part bs, when we were part as.
the funny ppl..

and specs 05!!!
so much to say.. so much to thank thm for.
so much they did for us.
sososo much.
discipline, endurance, perserverance, 7 core values
they instilled all those in us..
they prolly dunnow tt..
but relli- they did so much
they rawk so much more than the word rawk can be defined as.
they're funny oso.. caring.
ok, i guess they did give up on us at a point of time.
but, yeahh, we weren't exactly a very wonderful platoon.
i dunnow lar.
i want specs 05 to stay.
i want charlie 05 to stay.
-as they are, i mean.

but, change is an inevitable part of our lives
guess we all just have to move on
putting the past in the past.

last day

2005-05-27T04:44:00.000-07:00

hey- today was ok.
shant say much
coz blog, online diary
isnt exactly the safest diary
and i don want some ppl,
unwanted ppl,
to see this. ok
wadever..
anw today 1/2 day, but had sports challenge.
ok i guess, luke's grp won
[thats me!]
so woohoo!
and im still mesmerised at gregs' height
patricia, kathleen.. u'll be jealous
he's a whooping 1.985m..
haha..
ya, then wanted to go orchard meet sunm, pat,kath,haz,sim,ruth,nurin
but i bumped into sheena[ ex, ex pri skul fren]
she was depressed, abt 2 do sthg stupid..
so i followed n consoled her.
stuffs happened
shant say.
then frm orchard went to tanah merah n sat at the play grd wif her.
then more stufs happened.
but im glad- she made the right decision.
she listened to me[ phew larr]

sumtimes ppl don realise the value of life. they think what they're going through is the worse thing that can happen.
reality check-
there are millions dying in africa
when they relli wanna live
and here u are, life thrown at your face,
and you wanna throw it away
wake up for goodnessake..

ok, i shall follow kathleen- finish all hw, by week one
and i mean it this time!!
and i'll read my sci, geog and hist.
everyday.
is that revising?
i realise that i don revise, but study.
i only revise after i study, as in i close the bk and recollect.
but i usually atudy so last min, tt i don have time to revise
gahh wdvrr lar..
my dad's aiming for me, top 10 in the level
told him fat hope.
wanna be top 35.
62 now.

go SARAH!!!
go everyone!!
we can do it!!

parade

2005-05-25T05:51:00.000-07:00

proficiency test
emm- shant say much
just that Bravo could have don btr
i could have done btr
nvm sarah, i shall do well in the test
i am determined.
sports challenge
ermm- hugged many ppl 2dae
ermm- potential pupil leaderS..
me, geraldine-- ??!!!
parade
flag raising- pulled cedar falg too slow
command no-- rhythm
proud of my bangings!
*hee!!

you were sucking up.
i dunnow, but thats how i felt.
so did many others
then how come you were suddenly so nice to me?
*she said, appreciate that act of kindness. it may have been sincere
without ulterior motive.
but.
you've manipulated me so much
that it seems like i can't trust u nemore
but did i ever?
i dunnow-
like the boy who shouted "wolf"
and later tried to be sincere.

vesak day

2005-05-23T04:30:00.000-07:00

happy vesak day to all who celebrate vesak day
im feeling lame. hahaha, i dunnow why?
i spent my day stoning in front of the tv!!
cool.
i wanted to go east coast park act. but my dad din allow!! i couldnt believe it. he saed he din want me going anywhere alone. then i wanted to tell him of all the times i went somewhere alone. then i realised that all those times, i din tell him i was going out.hahaha
so i shut up
so i had nthg to do, so i stoned. and that's a very easy thg for me to do
coz i rawk
geddit? stone-- rawk
hahahaha
ok wdvrr--
im happy and i like it- if only every day was like this.
weeehooo mann
oh- my schedule, got sum of it frm patricia
24th may- sports challenge, co nite prac
25th may- sports challenge, prof test!!!
26th may- sports challenge, co nite
27th may- suria bday!!, sports challenge, report bk, last day of skul
28th may- ndp again- woohoo, wenyi bdae
..
30th may- yara bdae
1st june-petrina bdae
and so life goes on..
im happpyyy!!!! yesss..

sarah: sarah rawx
patricia: *cough
sarah: don cough too much, later sore throat
patricia: don rock too much later fall down
sarah: undeterred by failure, i will stand up, and continue rawking on!

woohooo~

saddd

2005-05-22T06:44:00.000-07:00

so much happened-mainly ndp- okay, i guess
just tt i felt- imprisoned i cld say,ever since fri. dunnow why. the whole day i wished i was at east coast, lying on the beach- all alone. in peaceful solitude. and i was stuck in school. forced to smile and laugh and everything.
pt, they scolded us- i thot we had almost gotten it rite- i guess not.
then sat.ndp.ok.laughed a lot.was in the mood to laugh.wasnt in the mood to make ppl laugh.as in the 'funny' personality of mine wasnt there. i din feel myself. but can say had fun. later went novena. saw this super CUTE guy- i think indian chinese mix. he was with his gf.but yar- i was staring at him the whole time. he oso got turn ard to look at me- coz i think he found it wierd for a girl to be in a no4. yar. then went home. bathed etc. went to bed- and was thinking, i wasnt myself. i was feeling weird. i guess?
then today- confirm i wasnt myself. at church, thru cat, i stoned. usually i miss all my frens and talk a lot, crap during lessons.todae, i stoned. ok i laughed etc. but i felt like how it was on fri- no mood but just had to laugh,smile- blah blah. noone noticed. amelia, asked if i was ok. i saed ok. she dropped the matter then. then went out, blah blah. then later, matt called. surprise surprise. ok, laugh laugh lar. din relli talk much. but i felt bad, coz he act save $$ to call me frm aust and talk to me. and so, like 30 mins went by, then he realised tt i wasnt myself. he actually realised! on the fone! in perth, where he coudnt even see my face.
the first and last person.
i was super touched. as in really.
then he went on abt it being depression and stress
and it went on to crap
and b4 i knew it, i was joining him
i was myself again!!
woohoo!!
thank you!!
you saw through me, from afar, when noone else did.

x cnty

2005-05-19T01:51:00.001-07:00

cross country today
did duty
and no regrets!
but too bad i couldnt jog too-
so fun! cheer all of the runners on.
cheered sec 2s first
duh, darshini came in first with her hair bouncing abt
then ADEL 2ND!! and GC 5TH!! woohoo- 2/0 rokks
then cheered the pt a's tt i recognized
haha, encik ps told one of thm tt if she walks, she will pump her.
then sec 3s. haha, when pt c dhilshad came she was muttering to herself- haha-cute
then i saed " go pt c!" then she saed thank u!
one of the only pt cs who did
then sec 4s, a bit scared to cheer them on.
but yar, sgt khalis replied- saed thanx.
wanted to see staff wl
but rite- ms poon arh
terrible..
i think the whole cross country 3/4 of the time she was talking to me.
then i was talking to her too, then suddenly sara sim saed staff wl jog past oready
= s
gah.. later 1/2 e bravo went out.
then all ate breakfast at mac, and saw specs.
then went to take neos, all of us squuezed.
yar, then slowly evry1 left.
me,sunm,pat,kath,nat went to haagen daz, ate ice-cream.
then me,pat,kath walk ard againn
then went back.
had fun i guess.
tomorrow got pt.
im scared.
my hand cant relli bend- it bleeds after i do pumping.
tell me
shud i wear like a bandage and not do pumping,
or shud i endure thru the blood, and pump
i mean after all, one for all, all for one
but then again- not all have bleeding elbows
eeeew.

x cnty

2005-05-19T01:51:00.000-07:00

px

2005-05-19T01:33:00.000-07:00

yest parade.
haha,i think flag raising rawx!
so fun pulling flag.
anw, then did drills
i thought we sucked.
till st.wl said " come on BRAVO, almost there"
oh mann.
i relli relli loved her again
i love enick too
then i think frm there we sorta improved a bit.
but, i think we've screwed so much that, now tho our standards are- erm, they seem to be improved.
i dunnow. hopefully the maam/sir is a bit deaf n blind- we'll all pass well.
but it's the effort- a few black sheeps, and we'll become black too.
anw, now im feeling packed. as in super busy- dunnow why
but i just hate that feeling.
sat, and all most consecutive sats in june i have ndp
coming wed, prof test
coming tues, sports challenge
term 3, the ART thggie
till 5th July, planning 4 e carnival thggie.[old folks, n xchange students.]
and then term4- streaming.
why am i worrying so early for streaming?
i passed maths AND sci- thankfully.
maths 88.5- section b i got 49.5/50- woohooo!!
science- 61[surprising]
ya........
ok tts it i guess
oh ya- 3 cheers for ruthika!!
she's cute- haaahaa

.,.,.,

2005-05-17T05:04:00.000-07:00

tues-nc photo taking
wed-nc parade
thurs- nc xcnty duty
sat-nc ndp prac
lyk my whole life revolves ard ncc
you'd think i'd get sick of it.
but im not.and i dont think i will anytime soon.
i relli do love nc.
i relli do wanna do well. be the best bravo in cedar nc hist.
but we only can do this if we work as one.
as in ALL of us have to put in the effort
its not enough if only some of us do.
its also unfair to the few who put in so much effort,
and fail again and again and again
like the damn science paper..
i put in alotlotlot effort
ms thang saed many passed, handfull did well, rest- erm.
was talking to her
and wow!! she advice me a lot mann.. haha she's so nice
but i don think she rmbrs me
or noe tt im her cadet
oh ya, back to nc
i really wanna do well
tomorrow's our last chance i think
lets do well bravo
do so well, that staff wld take back what she said
abt being a disgrace to be a pt b spec
and replace it with proud to be a pt b spec
lets all work hard
tog
BRAVOO UNITE!
we must we will we can.

sarah:be ignorant to reality- life will be such bliss
kath:u cannot fly away from reality you know why?
sarah: i know! coz we don have wings
kath:gravity will pull you back

so funny rite- isnt it? i found it so funny that i did sthg really creeepy.
i looked at the computer, in a dark room. and started to laugh. to myself.
softly at first then slowly LOUDER and LOUDER
that my bro came out and aked me
" sarah you ok?"
haha 2nd time oready!!

fri13

2005-05-14T17:32:00.000-07:00

friday the thirteenth
sucked
i just want us to be united. as a class. and like in animal farm, this will nvr materialise
esp if u think u're btr
forgodsakeyoudancelikeaBAPOK.

[change subj]
and i relli used to like her- i thought she was super nice
i guess not.sadd.

[change subj]
i cut my hair
i specifically told her same hairstyle
TRIM my fringe and cut an inch frm the back.
well, i guess sumbody failed her english
my hair is super short. i look like a guy. its a bit spikey in the centre
on the plus side,
if only there were any.
and tomorrow is foto taking. shit
2 yrs of ugly fotos in e yrbk

[change subj]
im giving up on julian. he actualli prioritized his frens over his mom-on her bdae.
i thot since he's 18- he shud have gotten some sense of what's right and wrong
obviously not
he yelled at me saying he din need me- he only needed his frens
and then, that very night called me and apologised after his dad came and .....
wth i helped him thru whenever his dad whacked him- i bled for and WITH him.
i was his fren in the past yrs n suddenly all i am is just a pathetic lil girl cousin.
so what if u're 4 years older. im taller
age dont count.
i know you're reading this- i know u read all my past entries.
i just wanna let you know
im no more there for you until you mature.

im sorry.
all i am to you now, is your little girl cousin.
nothing more nothing less.

nthgboo

2005-05-11T02:34:00.000-07:00

im gonna fail science.
hopefully i'll get a1 for maths.
hopefully parade will start next week.
however im scared we disappoint them
and ourselves
AGAIN.
there's only so much disappointment i can take
like im bracing myself to get back science
i studied- a lot
put in SO DAMN much effort
i wont give a shit if i fail,when i din study
[ok i would]
but, i relli would give a shit when i studied like shit
and failed.
all the effort, every single bit of it gone down the drain
never to be retrieved again.
i dont think i can take it
but, do i have a choice
i'll hafta dismiss it as an idiotic paper
and move on
it's easier said than done
but yeaa
my tuition teacher rawx larr
i wld sae she's my 2nd mom
she's so nice
she was there for me..
when even my own mom wasnt
relli love her

anw.. i hope our drills are okay
cant even say good yet
i want enick and staff and all the sgts to say
" thats my bravo"
not
" you are not bravo standard"
im scared they say that.
sadddd.
i dunnow. but i think they are nice.
they nurtured me into who i am
a person with more mora lvalues, integrity,care and discipline
ppl say ncc will take u no where in life
you dont gain a skill..[they sae]
but to me, the people who nurtured me
make a big diff in my life.
true, we dont pick up a new skill[mayb drills yea. n pumpings]
but we get character and a sense of what's rite and rong.
i think thats more important

wth. studies arent everything.
if only they were nothing at all.

studystudystudy!

2005-05-07T02:46:00.000-07:00

There you go You're always so right
It's all a big show It's all about you

You think you know What everyone needs
You always take time To criticize me

It seems like everyday
I make mistakes I just can't get it right
It's like I'm the one You love to hate But not today

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today Is gonna bring me down
There you go You never ask why
It's all a big lie

Whatever you do You think you're special
But I know, and I know
And I know, and we know
That you're not

You're always there to point Out my mistakes

And shove them in my face
It's like I'm the one You love to hate
But not today So shut up, shut up, shut up Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today Is gonna bring me down Is gonna bring me down
Will never bring me down

Don't tell me who I should be And don't try to tell me what's right for me
Don't tell me what I should do I don't wanna waste my time
I'll watch you fade away

So shut up, shut up, shut up Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today Is gonna bring me down.

this song is dedicated to her.
i just realised how well she fitted the lyrics
she thinks she can just blast herself into our frenship
by manipulating and telling lies
i only put up with u
coz noone else will-if i dont
she thinks if she dao us we get sad
u noe what- we are happy
and by after recess- she's sucking up over all of us
againn.
just fcuk out bitch
dont be such a copy freak.

just a form of statistics
a[me],b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k all dont like you.
thats 10
hope the other 16 of the alphabets like you
but im not sure they do.

*fyf- the statistics are true.

exams

2005-05-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

im supposed to be studying now
im left wid chap 2 and 12 of the sec 2 txt bk, and chap 15 of de sec 1 one.
wth. mrs yeo like din teach chap 12 okayy. i dont get it
and almost my whole class doesnt get it either
she sux- she's racist.
anw tomorrow i study hist first, then see got time squeeze in sci chap 2
or if not enuf time then do maths lar
grpahs suck- and i tot algebra was bad.
i hope the graph que don come up to like 10m.
or else the A im aiming for is gonna be gone
am i settin my goals too high?
i don wanna get disapointed
but i guess im accustomed to disappointment already
study yet fail.
wth..
i cant wait for exams to be over.
sososo, cant wait.

hapy bae

2005-04-30T03:36:00.000-07:00

din wanna see the post on me dying- so i typed this
i had fun in seoul gard. me,rudihra,rup,ruth,sunm,sim,pat&kath
these ppl + zhiyun,sus,geraldine,marly,adel and ms williams made my day
ms williams actually came to de canteen to cut my cake! she's so sweet
sigh.
anw, then we laugh a lot.. a lot!
coz of simphony tan and ruthika's kungfu fighting
and oso coz of kath and patricia's funny luffter.
funny mann!! haha
i love all these ppl and god and my dad
they made my dae
it was my bez bdae ever
esp since god saved me
frm a tragic death on my 14th bdae.
i love youu!!

my bdae

2005-04-30T03:28:00.000-07:00

my birthday was wonderful- just that i almost died
as in literally died
there was this woman who was pestering me to lend her my fone and i was lyk no coz my dad was oready there in the lane next to the bus stop lane. then i was so anxious to get away frm her that i actually put a foot down, on the bus lane. wo checkin for a bus. and a big scary bus just comes and honks and....
screeches to a halt
again, literally speaking.
then the bus driver yelled at me, the passengers yelled me.
i was in shock, i cld just say sorry
then later in my dad's van i cried- coz i was in shock
then i stopped
then i started again coz of my stupidity and recklessness
then i stopped
then i started again coz i almost died
then i guess i went home showered and i sorta recovered.
but im scared of roads and buses now

big scary buses.

my pre bdae

2005-04-28T07:41:00.000-07:00

ms williams is leaving
that is like one of the saddest things ok.
seriously- she just rawx!
she trully and honestly cares abt us
not just our marks
whether we undastand or not.
she is super duper nice.
oh mann, lit rawx with her
now beg to the old pehpeh
prolly wont take lit nxt yr, coz of her
she kills lit.
felt happy 2 dae, coz i did my maths test and felt positive tt i cld get full marks
but later realized tt when i squarerooted it i din put de damn +- sign. so there goes a couple of marks. other than tt everythg else was gud. i did kinda well for summary.
hopefully tomorrow'll be nice- its my bdae.
but i just feel like curling up in bed and sleeping
dunnow whats rong with me nowadays
all i wanna do is sleep.
sleeping rawx.
im gonna sleep the last hour of my thirteen years into my fourteen years.
good nite!!

nthg again

2005-04-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

today, the blo*dy angmoh came to saw up my computer table and rearrange it so tt my maid can sleep in the computer area,coz she got no where else to sleep. and i came home, on a slightly positive note, wanting to desperately prac maths. and so i came home and did stuffs till 6, then when i wanted to start, he started pounding and sawing the poor table.
*so sorry table.
then i got super pissed, coz i cldnt concentrate. then i just like.. stoned and stared at my book. then suddenly he came in- w/o even knocking de door. whats his damn prob, even my mom knocks. so i did de patricia's dao look[ha, i seem like a copy freak.] then he asks me, "so you studying for a test?"when all my books are on my bed like so visibly. then i got super pissed again in that particular sec and used sarah sarcasm.i said" no, im going to sleep." and i slammed close my book, and lay down my head at the end of the bed, and my feet at the pillow. then he actually off the light and said good nite
*SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-
i nvr knew any1 cld be soooo dumb.
then i switched on the light and got back to my maths, then he opened my door again[w/o knocking] and said" ha, i knew you weren't sleeping"...
so whattheheck right..
he sucks mann- he so sucks

againn

2005-04-23T23:18:00.000-07:00

oh ya, mtp.nthg much.
mr tan din tell on me
*pheww..
he just saed "sarah is quite chatty, but it's ok coz it's better than if she's quiet."then he said if i din noe anthg i will ask.[duh, i pay skul fees..]
then he oso said that im now a b student but i got potential for an a. and he expects a frm me for streaming
*help?
i think i barely passed/failed the last maths test. talk abt an a??
then the whole ms leong talk
i die die wanna do bio and hist..but don haf such combi..
im aiming for 3sciences.. if cant, then i'd go for pure bio,chemphysics combined.
if that too cant.. then..
??
ya. then went tuition, novena came home and slept.
on fri, i slept at 6 pm woke up at 8 am the nxt day
and on sat i slept at 4, woke up at 6 and watched tv.
but i prac maths evryday. i don understand why i fail.
so unfair
i dowan to fail. i wanna do well.
eeeeeee.. and ppl shoudnt scare themselves and others
kathleen, u wont leave cedar.. die,die, u wont.

nthg lar

2005-04-23T23:02:00.000-07:00

sports dae 05
ole won
but i din really enjoy it
coz i saw encik maziah laughing and smiling then i was happy
then i saw yarra and patricia, like almost dying, and i felt super sad
i mean, its not fair tt im dere enjoying myself when my own pltnmates arent.
and why werent the bloody np's doing their duty????
ya, i was sad.
but i was happy too.
some ppl had serious moodswings- as in serious!!
ya, and so after sports day i went 2 town wif rup,ruth,shruti
ruth's first time in town with frens.
then frm somersat we walked to wisma atria, coz shruti&rup[hu is vegetarian] wanted to eat mac.then went to taka, n i and ruth ate the takopachi thng..
then walked baq to heeren and walk ard, n took neos then met sunm,pat and sumphoni.
then ruth,rup and shruti went home, then i walk ard with the others.
then went home..
oh ya!!
* i like the bossini flower!!

a thursday

2005-04-21T01:46:00.000-07:00

suffering frm parade's after effect. a trouble in walking,squatting,kneeling and sitting-woohoo. so fun- lyk as tho my legs like jelly!
anw, yest parade's pt i think was nice.
squats-100
jumping jacks-50
pumpings-77
sprints-2 rounds/3 rounds jog
crunches-40
i think its all ok. tests perserverance. just tt i hadta do pumping after squats-and my legs were like shaking!! as in trembling shaking!! then if supposedly the brain controls the whole body, why was it tt when i told my legs to stop shakin, they din.
hmph..
anw, i tink our drills are like ..... i can imagine how specs feel. wth, i myself felt lousy. or like patricia and adlin said-it might just be coz we are not in our nc tee. our nc tee gives us pride.
i wanna wear nc tee.or it might also be coz there were tooo many specs includin ex-specs.
i dunnow- but i asked staff for a second chance. and we din maximise it. im sure most of us did put in our best. i guess most of our best is not good enuff.we need de whole bravo's best.
whole bravo's
as in full strength
and all of us putting in our outmost effort.
now its not just convincing the specialists that we can do it. we need to convince ourselves
but then again, if we've done it b4, why cant we do it again?

-2nd enciks radaite peace

nthg

2005-04-19T03:48:00.000-07:00

ms williams had pms.
or maybe we just took advantage of her
today i was feeling pissed coz of... until kath told me tt
enick maziah n sgt shanisza in ole!!
haha. then i cheered up.
then kinda got thru de whole day
maths-drew lines
eng-clap hands
tamil- read
hist-do tamil hw
sci-lame experiment.
thats it i guess. then my bro and his big mouth. i need a super size scotch tape.gosh, the problems 1 pathetic word can cause.
sighhhh- sum1 was sad- made me sad.
m&m made me happy- u guys rawk- literally

sadd

2005-04-17T01:07:00.000-07:00

today i came home to a place filled with all my aunts and my moms frens. i tried to prac maths. couldnt esp with the country music blasting frm downstairs. i got pissed, so i went down and sat outside my house for fresh air. opp house baby crying, my house music blasting. felt stifled. so i went to de park and sat on de swing.
was just thinking abt lyk how on xmas eve noone noticed i was gone, wld they not notice again.
when a elderly man came up to me and said " do you need help?"
and i was thinkin" whats his prob man? he talks to a stranger and asks if i need help?"
and so i just stared at him.
then he started.
blah blah abt teenagers nowadays blah blah depression.
then i rmbrd on sat i think i scared kath with my sudden depression coz i was doin a maths sum for like 25 mins n din get the ans. then suddenly i got de ans and i was all happy again.
haha-anw, back to de story. ya then de man suddenly stopped and stared at me.
then i realized i had laughed out-aloud!
gosh. anw then the man like continued on abt stress blahblah- then his facial expressions were so funny tt i actually tried to prevent my lufter- and when i do tt, i start to tear. and so i started to tear and the man tot i was crying coz of his words impact on me.
he actually tried somforting me!!
then i couldnt take it- i zoomed away frm the swing laughing and tearing
[hopefully the man din see]
right into the arms of my cousin, a guy. as in practically into his arms.
then when i turned ard to look at de man, he looked pissed.
coz i tink maybe he tot that that was my bf. hahahahA!! but tt did it. he soon walked off.
ya.
anw the point is that- noone noticed that i was feeling down- except a stranger..
he was really a heaven sent soul- but i cldnt relate to him my probs- coz i only can do tt with ppl i trust. anw- ya..
hahahahahaa!!

2005-04-14T04:09:00.000-07:00

today was ok i guess. yea. except some ppl damn irritating.but sweet!
its like i don wanna go malaysia for camp coz most of my frens are unavailable. then i relli don wanna go for the camp- i mean last yr one was . . . yea. then jmmy keep pestering me to go. wth. its like last yr u were saying u don wanna go w/o ur bez fren so coz he had to go,i had to go with him, and coz i had to go, she oso had to come for YOUR sake. ok fine. there i tore my nice 3/4 pants for u...
eeeeeee
and this yr u want ME to go with u so that i can be the medium between u and *her.. u just wait. wait till the world comes to the end or sthg.
i am not an object-i don wanna be used. geddit?
eeeeee
anw, haha- i still like u
u are a true fren!!
hahaha- i feel like laughin- i feel happy
why?

and i like patricia's poem.. its a true one.

my dad's back---staff weili talked to me-ilove her,encik maziah&sgt shanisza

boo

2005-04-11T02:12:00.000-07:00

i still like ms williams.
i likee her.
anw, i've got science common test on wed
failed de prev one
so i hafta study
super,duper,truper hard.
hopefully, i'll pass.
wish me luck
i'll need it..

my dad is coming back to me- just hope i don piss him. again.

-

2005-04-10T07:32:00.000-07:00

sometimes you just decide to move on, on a positive note
when it all comes crashing down onto you-again.
and u dunnow what to do.

i have a father, i want my dad back.

my pltnmates

2005-04-10T03:01:00.000-07:00

now i feel like im closer to my pltnmates than compared to many others
i go thru the thick and thin with my pltnmates
we pump,sweat,cry and laugh together..
we get scolded together, we get humiliated together
we get disappointed together, and we get upset together..
we also are happy together
tho i wish we are more united
as a platoon- not in cliques.
only if we are united will we stand out
we will prove to de specs, not just part b specs, but to all of them
that we are the best.
that we will never, no, never disappoint them again..
i love bravoo- i love all of them.
my buddy sunm,kath,pat,nat,sara,yy,myclassmate rup,sinsin,nurin,cheryl,yarra,adlin,fad,dian,haz,nish,suria,vish,jessie,adel&ruth.
i love all of them
i also love staff weili,encik maziah,sgt shanisza..
i love staff weili-- =))

im baq

2005-04-08T06:23:00.000-07:00

kath said i wont be able to sleep coz i shall miss her.. so im blogging..
anw 2dae, i felt damn sucky in de morng- like our drills sucks. or rather, sucked. then i felt like super guilty lah- dunnow why oso. then the day sucked. esp assembly- got scolding frm ms chia, mrs tan and ms leong- and ms leong's one made me feel guilty-again. gosh. my conscience is overworking. then had parade. was a bit scared-coz dunnow whether specs had 4given us-turns out they had- i think? ya, we did orienteering- super fun, even tho mine was the onli grp tt didnt manage to finsih..haha.. then the specs talk to us awhile- was abt to start feeling guilty again[*grr-my conscience..] when staff weili started 2 laugh.. and she couldnt stop. then we stareted to laugh too. omg it was super nice!! the feeling to be laughing with the specs again. anw, encik maziah started on us being WAY below standard- and i felt guilty-again. goshh. anw, then did armdrills- almost 4got thm, but didnt- they came to me naturally. then sunm bang her left leg, i banged my right leg n i tot i was rong- omg i panicked coz staff weili was nxt me. but actually it was sunm hu was rong.. haha.. yar, then we did sum drills tt i tot were a bit low class bravo. but we can improve-
no we will

~ i like *her

ndp

2005-04-07T05:21:00.000-07:00

hey, yest was super scary. had a last min ndp prac at hq, then i only knew tt we needed 2 brind our no.4 on tt day itself. i freaked out. then during pt, kannah scolding by specs. and i don think its unreasonable. i think its our fault, we shd haf bothered to find out. its not just that.. we disappointed the specs, esp staff weili..and their disappointment in us made me disappointed in myself-in bravo.. the words staff weili told adlin. omg. i tell you, i nvr knew they had such faith in us-till that moment..i vow tt we will by any cost nvr make these kind of mistakes again. i love specialists 05, esp bravo specs, esp staff weili..
anw, then i,kath,sunm went pat house sew ranks, starch collar and rushed baq 2 skul. in time i think. then went to hq, and did drills. got prac almost evry wk. 11-5++.. going to bcum black. but its for sg, for cedar nc.. so i shall endure.. all the way bravoo!!
oh 2dae, i and gc rushed all de way to ps to watch ms congeneality2[however u spell it] tt was supposed to be showing at 1.50.. but we were 10mins late, so tix stopped selling. then we went to tm, and watched the 4.30 one.. funny, but not as nice as the first.
tts it..

problems

2005-04-04T04:15:00.000-07:00

i like ms williams

i like lit thanx to her

i don want mrs peh

i wanna go for parade on wed

i wanna run and cheer

i wanna do drills with the rifle

i don wanna level my body

i wanna do flag raising

i wanna talk to some people

i don wanna talk to some at all

i want to hurt her

i don want to hurt her

all these are my wants and don wants

i only need water, food & oxygen

i SO DON NEED YOU

nthg

2005-04-03T00:22:00.000-08:00

online for ages, and tomorrow have maths test. great.
anw, juz did my ipw reflections online.
and pat was so super nice!
she actually bothered to hear me out and give me advice!!
thank euuu!!
but then all my hatred is still bottled up inside..
coz ive decided to just act like nthg happened..
so, one day, i may crack..
and im so sorry to the vicitm..
and kath was entertaining me online with her funnyness..
erm yea. gg prac maths now..

to N*****E- read it

2005-03-31T01:42:00.000-08:00

i just wanna let YOU know..
YOU- you know who you are..
you still go to my blog tho u noe tt i don update.
i have been slapped on both cheeks by you..
you backstabbed me.. once, twice, thrice.. to a million times
i forgave you, once, twice, thrice
all for the sake of our long frenship..
all those tears we shed together because of others backstabbing us.
now you haf done it baq to me.

you're just too much
i first forgave you coz i did not wanna lose a FRIEND
only now do i realize that you are no FRIEND
you are just a hypocritic bitch.
so im not afraid to lose you. i want to lose you.
get the fu*k out of my life
good bye

dunnow

2005-02-19T23:36:00.000-08:00

haf just finished studying my science.. now i hafta do my compo, n practice maths till lyk 9.. then revise science, then watch black hawk down.. hahas..
anw, today had to go for catechism.. then my teacher said
" there is a very big word, so big that i cannot rite it on the board. it starts with the letter 'o'. what word is it?"
and thomas was like " obesity, sir"
and the whole class laughed.. haha.. seriously, life is much betta wid ppl lyk him..
anw, the ans was obedience, dont ask why..
so now, im gonna rite my compo..
so long peeps..

heys

2005-02-18T01:15:00.000-08:00

i lyk finally got my blog up after arnd 2mths.hahas.
now its lyk got so many test, where to find the time to blog?
monday ive got maths and science test
wednesday ive got history and tamil common tests
nxt wk mon ive got maths common test
and nxt week tues ive got geog common test
gah'..
but lookin on de plus sidee..
im goin malacca wid 2m, 2c and 6 20 peeps..
ive got my master parade comin up
[ gonna be a lance corporal=))]
and we are now bravoooo 05!!!
yess.. we did it.. success-*grins
anw i tink last yr specs rawk
n i tink dis yr's ics rawk too
hahas.. they are nice peeps yeah!!
anw, so long for now..

testing

2005-02-18T00:56:00.000-08:00

testing?? yupps..